OMG!

So even though you aren't going to get tot read this for a while seth, i had to do it. You got me into blogging for a reason and i lost track of that. This has been a very interesting summer for me. Some good, some bad, and some that changed me for forever. My boyfriend and i did not make it thru the rough patch. adn i am very sad for this. Alot of time and memories thrown away because people couldn't get over themselves. It's a daily struggle do to the fact that the kids are involved. But the days get better. I had back surgery this summer and am still recovery. made me realize we all need to step back and take a breath now and then. And the last is my dear friend Seth. He has passed all tests and is working hard.I am so proud of him but have to admit i miss him terribly. Communication is slow and far between and lock down has laste dlonger than we thought it would...lol....whipped cream and red pig tails. sorry i got side tracked. but in the end the speration will be for the best for him. i miss you Seth thanks for the words of encouragement when ever you can. even though i should be giving more to you. love ya big guy

JUST CHECKING IN

Ok so before Seth gets on me i decided i should post. It's been awhle for me and i guess now would be the best time to write. i've been going thru some rough times. Well maybe not rough by some peoples standards but rough by mine. My boyfriend and I hit a rough spot. Not sure we'll ever recover. Things had been bad for awhile but when i'm called a liar and constantly under suspicion, well think about it. Anyway so I've been whining to Seth alot, but being the great guy that he is, he's helped me see things in a different light. Made me remember things about myself that i had forgotten were there. Everyday is still a struggle but i'm trying to find my way. Some day i will. But i have to admit some of the rediscovery is fun. Hey Seth? Red pigtails!..lol.. sorry by pass..lol. I'm currently looking for new employeement. Very unhappy with where I am also there is no room for advancement so whats the point. I love learning new things and being on my toes and let's face it. not getting that here. I'm losing my good friend to a great oppurtunity in the fall. I know i've said it before but i'm extremely proud of you and happy for you. But i will miss you terribly.
Thanks again Seth for making me realize that i am worth more than what i'm getting or asking for at this point in my life. and thanks for making me smile.

Finally

Ok. Ive decided that the cosmos aways must balance each other out. Went to court this past thursday over custody with the Ex. Things went great. I get to keep the kids and the judge basically said he didn't want to see us in his courtroom again. When you go thru family court you have the sae judge everytime no matter what. So it was a great feeling tobe done. Then I came home from work Friday night and was settling in when there was a knock at the door. Colin and I looked at each other in wonder. I answered the door to a strange asking me if i owned a cat. My heart sank. I ran out of the house to find my poor kitty shaking and bleeding. I must say i panicked. Zeus is a family memebr. He is a year younger than my daughter and we've had him since he was 3 months old. So Colin the ever rock in bad situation drove us to the vets 15 minutes up the street. Turns out there are no broken bones. He had a lot of bruises, chipped 2 front teeth. scrapped his face and lost a boatload of fur. He has some respitory distress right now but overall is expected to make a full recovery. Zeus really does have 9 lives...ok so maybe hes down to 8 now. I am glad the kids were gone when it happen, not sure how i would have handled it had he not made it. I am placing an ad in the paper to thank the kind stranger who stopped traffic when no one els would and rescued my cat. In my panic i forgot to get his name and he saved one of my family. There really are still very nice compassionate people in this world. And for that I am thankful.

Long over due

Ok so Rob is right, I am a noob! but it seems i am having some computer difficulties on my home pc. So since it's a slow day at work due to the snow i'll just do it from here. Things haven't been off to a great start for me this year. I have been battling a chest cold for the last few weeks and it's wiping me out completely. Thankfully the kids are feeling great and driving me crazy...lol....Such as life though. I have been writing again on the side. But have been keeping it to myself. It's my own private therapy. Even if i never sow it to anyone it makes me feel better. Hopefully the custody battle will be over by thursday of this week. Atleast until he does it again next year. But it will just be nice to have it over. I am still currently looking for a new job. Anything full time would be great at this point but we'll see. All right just got caught slacking on the job so I must go. Enjoy life and I'll write more soon
Lisa

Trying to start the year right

Ok so its a new year. And every year i tell myself that this one will be better. And then a week or two into the new year i start to feel like its just going to be more of the same. Well ive had enough of it. I am sitting here at work answering calls by myself. Often i have too much time to think when i work this shift...lol......And although today is not a slow night, i still have too muchtime on my hands. I am taking calls and listening to complaints thinking can't you people just be happy for a change? Then i start to think how much i can sound like these people. The only way things are going to get better is if i make the change and put the effort in right? this makes sense to me. I have a custody battle impending towars the end of the month. So there for I am a bit on edge. And i realize that has made me a little short tempered with evryone including my loved ones. I am trying to handle the stress but its still no excuse to be like this. I love my family. If it weren't for colin and the girls, some morning s i don't know how i would get up. So this year will be better than last year because i am going to try harder to make it that way. Now it may not happen right away and I don't expect life to be all roses and horses....lol.. But i have to make a difference some how. So happy new year to everyone. And i hope this year i s better than last.
Lisa

christmas memories

i am sitting here at my computer waiting for the snow to fly. we are suppose to get a pretty big storm today and then more on saturday. my kids are very excited. the schools have already notififed us parents...um at 5:50 this morning....that the kids would be getting out early in order to avoid the buses being out in the snow. so i made the mad dash to the store this morning to pick up a few essentials. people are funny. you would think the end of the world was coming in the form of 6 to 12 inches of snow...lol. my youngest daughter Ashlee is very excited. she was worried santa wouldn't be able to come becaus ethere was no snow. yes my Ashlee has reached the ripe old age of 8 and still believes in santa. there are still somethings sacred. she even got in a fight with a boy the other day in her class. he told her there was no such thing. well let me tell you. she set him straight. fortunately without coming to blows. for a long time i stopped liking christmas, too commercilized and people being grumpy, but kids have a way of bringing it back to you. we have been sharing mommy christmas stories this week. and even as i write this i smile. sometimes trips down memory lane can be painful, but this week has been nice. remembering the feeling of anticipation of christmas eve knowing that you'll never sleep but if you don't santa won't come. some memories of it are sad for me though, my favorite grandpa who passed a few years ago now, christmas was his favorite holiday. he got to be a big kid with us. he always sang the loudest(and off key), started the snowball fights and was the firstone up christmas morning. i come from ad ivorced family too so we alternated holidays. and my favorites were the years we went with dad and spent christmas eve out at my grandparents. hearinf grandpa and my dad after we went to bed trying to sound like reindeer ont he roof and ringing the little jingle bell. long after we stopped believing, he still did those things. i miss ya grampy. so i hope you all have a very merry christmas. remember your past ones fondly and make new ones with your kids. and remember to try not to stress and love each other.
Lisa

coping

ok these are a few pieces i wrote years ago to deal with a very ugly marriage and then a very ugly divorce. may not be thebest piece ever written but it came from the heart. just goes to show, no matter how braqve and strong we appear to be, there is always a tender and vunerable sid eto us all. thanks to the friends who gave me the courage to put it out there. and you know who you are. i hope you enjoy
Coping
Never thoguth it would be like this
All there seems to be is anger
What happen to happiness and bliss
Or that undying hunger?

How do i go on living day to day
When pain is all i feel?
My days ar always grey
Will I ever learn to deal?

The days grow longer
With more stress to handle
But I never seem to get any stronger
I only seem to strangle

Some how I'll be able to cope
Do what i have to do to manage
For I know I've run out of hope
I feel i'm at a disadvantage


Days Gone By
In the deep recesses of my my mind
I venture back to days gone by
When you used to laugh
And you used to cry
Tose days are gonenow
and so hard to find

I wonder where it all went wrong
The look of love no longer shines
Is it me or something else
Who cause that pain so deep inside?
But whats more important
Can an answer be found?

Don't you miss all we had?
To love and hold it all again
You stare with anger and despair
but you don't seem to care
Things were all so different then
just sit and think of days gone by


thanks for reading. when im having a really bad day, i reread these and rememeber that things could be worse. they all serve to show me how much ive conquered since then. we all have strength deep inside of us. its helps to be reminded now and again.